Turtle Pancakes


 By Laraine Newman My relationship with my mother was, um, complicated.  She was a kid herself in many ways, having been neglected by her own beautiful but narcissistic mother. She pretty much raised herself and from my jaundiced teenage perspective, my mother was a disgrace. She wanted romance and adventure and was frustrated by the … [Read more…]

From Hunger


From Hunger By Laraine Newman I was recently given a gift of an out of print cookbook called The Molly Goldberg Cookbook.  When I first saw it I was amused and when I opened it up, I immediately saw a cabbage recipe I wanted to make. Score! Here was a cookbook that had that “Through … [Read more…]

Artisan Cheese in the Valley


Artisan Cheese In The Valley? By Laraine Newman So, I was like, driveen in the valley ‘n’ stuff? And I like drove past a shop that said Artisan Cheese Gallery, ‘n’ stuff? And I was like “wait, did I just, um, this is like the valley, ok?  And I think I jist saw sometheen with … [Read more…]

Acceptable Levels of Arsenic


Acceptable Levels of Arsenic By Laraine Newman For me, comedy can’t be defined as one thing, but one of my favorite aspects of it is the absurd becoming common place. For instance, I remember going to a New York Dolls show at the Santa Monica Civic Auditorium in the late 1970s.  The glam-rock look, fascinating … [Read more…]

Thank you Gwenyth


Thank You Gwenyth By Laraine Newman For years, as both my husband Chad’s and my weight have yo yo’d, I’ve begged him to diet along with me but we’ve never been able to be in sync with our willingness to trudge the road of deprivation. Until now. We email each other from different rooms in … [Read more…]

Carmine’s: Part II


Carmine’s: Part II By Laraine Newman The other day I was thumbing through a copy of OK magazine….alright, I was reading it. They have a section that shows celebrities doing normal things! Captions that read, “They pick up their own dry cleaning!” “They put money in the parking meter!” “They go to the carwash!!!” Growing … [Read more…]

One Less Egg to Fry


One Less Egg to Fry By My husband Chad went to New York recently to drop our oldest daughter Lena off at college.   That same week, our 14-year old attended a cheer camp at UCLA for four days giving me a rare glimpse into the gaping maw of my Empty Nest Future and lemme tell … [Read more…]

The Zucchini Weenie and Al’s Brain


The Zucchini Weenie and Al’s Brain By Laraine Newman My good buddy Al Yankovic invited a group of his friends to attend the premiere of his short movie entitled Al’s Brain….at the County Fair!! His invitation was sweet. It included the phrase “for those of you who feel like schlepping down there..” The film was … [Read more…]